think.

got back from the family vacation down south.
it was such a long road trip that I still cant remember anything I've actually done. other than looking at the photos I took throughout the trip nothing actually click a little. Anyway, this trip has been almost 11 days and it was really tiring. Gone on plane, car, cruise, boat, taxi, helicopter, sky dive and bungy. I guess my 2012 is totally compete. last Sunday of 2012 and Im home thinking what happened throughout the year.
Been through the ups and downs just too much to b remembered.
After all, one thing I actually realize is just that i dont really have any friends. Maybe is true of what the family has been telling me about. It is kinda sad but it's true. The friends I have just arent my friend at all. Looking at the friendlist I create I found no one and that's fine. I always think just someday there will be someone appreciate me to b in their real friend friendlist no just me thinking and just me thinks 'you' are my friend.
just maybe I wish there a magic to find where true friend is hidden.

J.

The warmth he gives. :)

Sometimes, things will b impossible even tho you wish it could b possible.
29th of Nov, prepare for the last high school party! ;) realize how many friends I really do have. The answer is less than the ones I invited. O well... James, Murphy, Julie,Selina , Frances, jacqueline and idk... Friends are easy to find but true friends are hard to define. Drank like as classy bitch and I'm sober as hell. ;3 Selina was the first who got wasted and threw up like there's no tomorrow; Amanda scond but worse by throwing up all over the guess room and the everything in there is just a mess. Lucky there's Steven Boon. ; Kevin got wasted but sober guess that's how a china kids rules. ;)
So around probably like 7 things settled from the drunk kids and finally for all the others for rest and a normal sleep. Julie, me, Murphy, Dylan, James, Paul, Selina, clement, jacqueline... All squeeze into study room and try an sleep by playing just the plain music which William always loves. ;)
Fell asleep on the sofa bed sleeping beside Julie with my feet getting warmth from James legs. This might b weird when it puts in words but at some point I really hope I can cuddle with him. As in my feet are always cold and using the thin as blanket to cover my body is never enough when I've got my short shorts on. In other words, as in I've got my body on top of the sofa bed but feet down to James to lying next to Paul and trying to get some sleep. The warmth between his legs is so comfortable. Just that moment I wish he's mine and will stay and listen to me with everything. However, reality is different we've known each other for too long and from family friend to best friend and if something more than best friend it will ruin it if something happen next. I'm not sure am I feeling what am I suppose to feel or I'm just feeling sad when people have someone else to care n be with.
Mayb this is just a time things messed up in your mind and make you realize the truth is always cruel.