Here I am and this time it's no more about relationship. It's more about myself with what I expect myself to be. However I realize what you expect or wish will not always be here for you unless you actually work for you... I guess everyone knows about this - if you work hard you'll get what you want but no one does it. No one actually follows what's right. I always wanted to be a photographer and actually when I think about it there's something is pulling me back. I want to but I will not be able to, I'm not as good as any others but you gotta work hard for it. The thing is people often say there's no future to be a photographer and I accept it. I change my dream, to study a degree which is more of what I like - urban planning. But no I'm not good enough too and I didn't get into what I wish and I swear I did worked hard for it. Things are just too hard and maybe things are just not never easy when its easy there might be some problem with it. I'm worried. I'm worried about my future as what if I can't get into what I really want and I didn't get what I wish to have. I want more of what I want I don't want to just dream. No one wants to just dream about dreams but getting nothing from it.
And I'm here to say I really have to work hard and that last semester I think I've wasted it but this sem I'm really trying my best to choose what I like just in case I can't get into BPlan I will have a chance to continue BA. I know it's not enough with what I dad expect from me. I really want to show what I'm capable of and I really want him to understand that I'm trying my best not just wasting my time and the amount of money he's spending on me.
Please I need someone to understands and supports me.
Thanks for listening diary.