The warmth he gives. :)

Sometimes, things will b impossible even tho you wish it could b possible.
29th of Nov, prepare for the last high school party! ;) realize how many friends I really do have. The answer is less than the ones I invited. O well... James, Murphy, Julie,Selina , Frances, jacqueline and idk... Friends are easy to find but true friends are hard to define. Drank like as classy bitch and I'm sober as hell. ;3 Selina was the first who got wasted and threw up like there's no tomorrow; Amanda scond but worse by throwing up all over the guess room and the everything in there is just a mess. Lucky there's Steven Boon. ; Kevin got wasted but sober guess that's how a china kids rules. ;)
So around probably like 7 things settled from the drunk kids and finally for all the others for rest and a normal sleep. Julie, me, Murphy, Dylan, James, Paul, Selina, clement, jacqueline... All squeeze into study room and try an sleep by playing just the plain music which William always loves. ;)
Fell asleep on the sofa bed sleeping beside Julie with my feet getting warmth from James legs. This might b weird when it puts in words but at some point I really hope I can cuddle with him. As in my feet are always cold and using the thin as blanket to cover my body is never enough when I've got my short shorts on. In other words, as in I've got my body on top of the sofa bed but feet down to James to lying next to Paul and trying to get some sleep. The warmth between his legs is so comfortable. Just that moment I wish he's mine and will stay and listen to me with everything. However, reality is different we've known each other for too long and from family friend to best friend and if something more than best friend it will ruin it if something happen next. I'm not sure am I feeling what am I suppose to feel or I'm just feeling sad when people have someone else to care n be with.
Mayb this is just a time things messed up in your mind and make you realize the truth is always cruel.

Nights of being a 18 kids.

Getting older n older and I realize how my life has changed just within a night. From the 6th to 7th of Nov. from that innocent look to this now speechless emotions. As if like life is unexpected... So... From the 6th over night at James' until the 11th at home, on my bed... I realize how much I care about every single person in my life. I should say the brothers I have. James has some problem with Beatrix not too sure about the detail but just glad it goes well but a part of me really wonders does Beat really likes him or just randomly going into people's life n mess things up. Just cause of worries I wonder am I jealous or just care too much for him. There are doubts.
About William, I don't know how to say he's just keeping too much things within himself. Like I know there's something wrong with her gf but can't help. He never share which is kinda weird. Somehow I wish I can read mind so at least I know what are people thinking of so I might b able to help? Maybe? Probably? :x

Last night of being a 17kids.

Turning 18 in less than 3 hours and I'm in Bubble Tea House studying stats with SumYee. Can't believe I'm turning to a legal age at this stage. Didn't expect time really flies that fast I mean I don't even know what I've been through. Uni next year and graduate in 4 years hopefully then off to work. Oh well, life is just unexpected.

About life...

Sometimes, life sucks. People walk and stay then they leave without telling u the reason even they do the reason is just a crap excuse. Well, life is not always perfect and being depressing alone at home will not make any difference so yea I stood up and move on.
School ball is coming up in two days and I am going with nic, Selina, Kristy and Serena. I should b somehow happy but a feeling pull me back as they said that they didn't want to come overnight. I'm fine but somehow disappointed as she promised but broke it after. Ugh. This is what u call best friend... I'm not asking her back and I don't want to. Is not like I have to please her to join us with the after ball ... No comment and I'm trying to b care free...

有人吗？

看着不一样的连续剧，羡慕着不一样的爱情，期望着爱的到来。我每天都在想为什么我会没人爱我是不是都比别人多一些？ 笨多一些，肥多一些，丑多一些，总之都比别人多那一些些。 我多两个月就快18了。可是连一个男朋友都没有过我是的确想被爱，想有人会在意，有人会早晚send一封message just to say morning and hey.
可是人都看外表，人都是现实的，没有人会像在连续剧里一样！故事都是虚假的。:'(

J.

Friends aren't always as good as you thought they would me.

Well, the title of the post says it all.
Things been happening, first is Selina then now is Her, a friend who I once thought she was more than what I expected to have throughout my whole life. She left and pass on the shits and go on to a friend who I've no comment about but from China. I'm not being racist or whatever shits. Just saying that Natasha is just being such a dog behind her. Zzj is just annoys sometimes but the thing is I never hates her. I can't find a point to hates her but now both of them are just like magnet. Not try to be mean but the truth I see is both of them are just like dog with its owner. *no offense* Besides, I'm not jealous that they are close (well,a bit actually) but at the end I still don't think my 2years friendship with Natasha will lose to a 6months old friend. In reality I've lost my confident. A friend that you think she will stays as long as you would; will not always do / think the same.

I do wonder, what's the point of meet new people when no one bothers to make effort to stay as long as you wish they will...
Things and thoughts are just pointless.

J.

I wish...

Ugh, another day of studying for coming mocks exam which is on next Thursday and arthistory basically took over my life. O well, heard stuff from James and he's found his partner for the coming prom. And yes i wish someone will.at least ask me. I actually wonder am i really that bad in everything. I should say I am not bad but just not good enough, maybe? Ughhh, lifes a borr without some problems i guess.

I wonder am really that not good enough for stuff like this? Not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough and not good enough to do anything. I mean in horoscope the ones who are scorpio get to get a boyfriend/girlfriend but im like the only one who is alone by myself every single year, month and day. I just dont get it am i really that bad? :'(

Enough of saying...
Pray.

J.