satisfaction.

3rd day of 2013.
get dad to the airport as he's now leaving us again going back and working like a boss back in Msia. I can never understand him just mayb he's been working so many years he cant stop working for a sec (true workaholic I guess). After that went to NewMarket to get mum's present since her 51st is coming up like real soon. Got her a pair of Birkenstock and hopefully she will likes it and not being picky for once. :x Dinner at bbay shops were still closed and realize how people are trying to wok their ass off on the other days of new year. later at night...

So James asked me to join the horror marathon and I said yes with Steven and Eric. I was late as always cz of some little shit. anyway! gone to his at around 930 and i felt so bad cz they were there an hour earlier. got there and YES! first movie was The Last Exorcist. :D is what I always wanted to watch but watching with a bunch of guys is totally opposite of what I thought, -(screaming like a girl, hiding behind the blanket, covering their ears and talking through it). However, without those little sound effect they made the whole movie would b so much scarier than what I watched. After that we gone off to "The Nightmares on Elm Street" from the bromance three. James sat next to me this time apparently is cz his phone is charging. I dont know why I've a feeling that he wanted to sit next to me on purpose but I cant think of any reason other than he wants to stop the bromance between them cz they've been sitting together. From "The Nightmares on Elm Street" to "Saw - Final Chapter", to "The Uninvited" and last to "Mirror". We've been sitting on the coach together, under the same blanket and skin to skin. I just feel be loved at some point but part of me was just no. He's a brother, he's a best friend, he will never like you and he will not be yours at the end. This is kinda depressed but it's the truth. After the last movie we were all getting to sleep. Eric got his own space. dumbo Steven got his 3 seater coach. James sat with me and sleeping next to each other, it made me thought of the night before my birthday. We just slept together and nothing to care about after horror. I was planning to chill for a little but we were all just too tired to make a conversation keep going especially when after the question I answered after the new year party, -

"Would you say yes if James asks you to be his girlfriend?"

I dont get why did I say "YES" at the first place. I really dont know how does he feels after getting the answer from me. I knew he wouldnt be mine in someway, I knew our relationship is like family as we have discussed before. Just sometimes, i really thought he could b mine for a day or two or mayb till the day we die. O god, let me give up a little run away from the truth. After last night/this morning, there is this moment where I was awake and lied next to him with my head near him but my hands on his shoulder. I felt like hes awake and he thought Im asleep... He put his head on top of mine let my head put on top of his shoulder with my hands. Just that moment thought we could actually be together like that. Sitting next to each other, be quite, thinking of nothing like the time does not matter and just stay there. The thing is, time. It always ticks away just at that moment my phone rang sis called gotta get the car to service and I left without saying good bye. Just like that my moment ended.
Im satisfied with the night as I thought it would be awkward and stuff but nope I find it interesting with him. and seeing steven flew and Eric shouted like a boss. heheeeeeeeeee.
ciao.


emotions and thoughts kill.



J.