Sunday, 17 March 2013


Dear diary,
I'm sorry I'm here again when I'm suppose to be with my bed but I'm worry.
We did it again my Friday it was a little too intense and next day Carmen realize he's in my room and bruises on my neck. The kisses he kissed, the bruises he left all got to be seen by the mum. And just within a night things changed. How I wish no one knows just like how we started the relationship where things are a little simpler. So mum knows and until today bro knows. The family basically knows but their reaction is not what I expected. From mum, "why did you get together is it because you wanted a boyfriend?" ; from William, "you disgusted me you both disgusted me," from Carmen, "is good to hav a boyfriend but having James as yours is just weird and very disgusting." . Just like that these comments let me think a little. Maybe we are disgusting maybe we are not suitable for each other mayb we are just not as good as we thought we would be, within two weeks and so many people know about us and I'm really annoyed about it. Especially when the fam knows. I cannot imagine when his family knows about it. The comment might just be I'm disgusted by you two. Why. It's weird.
I never tell any of these to him cause I know he will be worry about It more than me. If I didn't ask him to sleep with me in Friday night. Things would be so much easier just wish time could turn back and let me re do thing. I hate myself now. I feel sad, just fucked like the old days where fam are not standing by my side like they normally do. Just maybe I should give up or mayb not taking any risk. I hate my life.

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